Aging Parents and Conflict Resolution: 5 Warning Signs Of Health Problems


If you live many miles from your aging parents, it's hard to accurately monitor their health. Or sometimes one adult child may notice differences but other adult children disagree. And, your parents may not want to tell you how they're feeling, or they may simply forget something relevant that happened.

They may not admit to needing help around the house, or they may not realize that they even need help. On your next trip to see them, the Mayo Clinic suggests looking for these five signs to help you gauge if your aging parents could use some help. Then, if necessary, take steps to help your aging parents maintain their independence.


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  1. Have Your Aging Parents Lost Weight? Losing weight without trying could be a sign that something's wrong. For aging parents, weight loss could be related to many factors, including:

    • Difficulty Cooking. Your parents could be having difficulty finding the energy to cook, grasping the tools necessary to cook, or reading labels or directions on food products.

    • Loss Of Taste Or Smell. Some loss of taste and smell is natural with aging, especially after age 60. In other cases, illness or medication contributes to loss of taste or smell. Your parents might not be interested in eating if food doesn't taste or smell as good as it used to.

    • Underlying Conditions. Sometimes weight loss is a sign of a more serious underlying condition, such as malnutrition, dementia, depression or cancer.

  2. Are Your Aging Parents Taking Care Of Themselves?

    • Pay Attention To Your Parents' Appearance. Are their clothes clean? Do they appear to be taking good care of themselves? Failure to keep up with daily routines - such as bathing, tooth brushing and other basic grooming - could indicate health problems such as dementia, depression or physical impairments.

    • Pay Attention To Your Parents' Home. Are the lights working? Is the heat on? Are the bathrooms clean? Is the yard overgrown? Any big changes in the way your parents do things around the house could provide clues to their health. For example, scorched pots could mean your parents are forgetting about food cooking on the stove. Neglected housework could be a sign of depression, dementia or other problems.

  3. Are Your Aging Parents Safe In Their Home?

    • Take a look around your parents' home, keeping an eye out for any red flags that might indicate that your parents are having trouble maintaining their home. Are the lights working? Is the heat on? Has the well-maintained yard become overgrown and wild? Are there dirty dishes in the sink? Is the home cluttered with piles of newspapers and magazines?

    • Think in terms of safety. Do your parents have difficulty navigating the narrow stairway? Have your parents mentioned any recent falls or injuries? Note any changes in your parents' hearing and vision. Difficulty reading directions on prescription medications or difficulty hearing a doctor's advice or instructions could pose safety threats.

      Any big changes in the way your parents do things around the house could provide clues to their health. Scorched pots could mean a parent with dementia is forgetting about dinner cooking on the stove. Neglected housework could mean depression is robbing your parent of the motivation to take care of the home. Light bulbs that haven't been replaced could indicate that physical impairments make it impossible for your parents to keep up with the regular maintenance around the house.

    • Point out potential safety issues to your parents. Together you may be able to devise a plan to fix these problems.

  4. Are Your Aging Parents In Good Spirits?

    • Note Your Parents' Moods. A drastically different mood or outlook could be a sign of depression or other health concern. Also talk to your parents about their activities. Are they connecting with friends? Have they maintained interest in hobbies and other daily activities? Everyone has good and bad days, but a drastically different mood or outlook could be a sign of depression or other health concern.

    • Ask Your Parents How They're Feeling. Do they seem withdrawn or blue? Talk to your parents about daily activities. Are they involved in social organizations or clubs? If they're religious, do they attend regular services?

    • Tell Your Parents If You Think They Seem Down or Depressed. Encourage your parents to see their doctor and talk about their feelings.

  5. Are Your Aging Parents Having Difficulty Getting Around? Pay attention to how your parents are walking. Are they reluctant or unable to walk usual distances? Is knee or hip arthritis making it difficult to get around the house? Would either parent benefit from a cane or walker? Muscle weakness, joint problems and other age-related changes can make it difficult to move around as well.

    If your parents are unsteady on their feet, they may be at risk of falling - a major cause of disability among older adults. If your parents have any health conditions that make it difficult to get around, they may have difficulty caring for themselves. The good news is that you can help your parents prevent falls by making their home safer and helping them stay active.

Taking Action

There are many steps you can take to ensure your aging parents' health and well-being, even if you live far away. For example:

  • Share Your Concerns With Your Parents. Talk to your parents openly and honestly. Knowing that you're concerned about their health may give your parents the motivation they need to see a doctor or make other changes. Consider including other people who care about your parents in the conversation, such as other loved ones, close friends or clergy.

  • Encourage Regular Medical Checkups. If you're worried about a parent's weight loss, depressed mood or other signs and symptoms, encourage your parent to schedule a doctor's visit. You might offer to schedule the visit yourself or to accompany your parent to the doctor - or to find someone else to attend the visit. Ask about follow-up visits as well.

  • Address Safety Issues. Point out any potential safety issues to your parents - then make a plan to address the problems. For example, perhaps your parents could use assistive devices to help them reach items on high shelves or to help them stay steady on their feet. A higher toilet seat or handlebars in the bathroom may help prevent falls.

  • Consider Home Care Services. If your aging parents are having trouble taking care of themselves, perhaps you could hire someone to clean the house and run errands. A home health care aide could help your parents with daily activities such as bathing and dressing. You might also consider Meals On Wheels and other community services. If remaining at home is too challenging, you might suggest moving to an assisted living facility.

  • Contact The Doctor For Guidance. If your parents dismiss your concerns, you might call the doctor directly. Your insights may help the doctor understand what to look for during upcoming visits. Keep in mind that the doctor may need to verify that he or she has permission to speak with you about your parents' care. Likewise, you may need to sign a form verifying that you have your parents' permission to discuss their medical information with the doctor and his or her staff.

  • Seek Help From Local Agencies. Your local agency on aging - which you can find using the Eldercare Locator, a public service of the U.S. Administration on Aging - can connect you with services in your parents' area. For example, the county in which your parents live may have social workers who can evaluate your parents' needs and put them in touch with pertinent services, such as home care workers and help with meals and transportation.

Sometimes aging parents won't admit they need help around the house, and others don't realize they need help. That's where you come in. Remind your parents that you care about them and that you want to do what's best to promote their health and well-being, both today and in the months and years to come.

From the Mayo Clinic; and CNN.Health.

And if your aging parents or siblings are unwilling to make changes you feel are necessary? Consider Elder Mediation to help your family through the transition.

To learn more, you might want to read,

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